ELLA ENCHANTED
17/10
Ahh, what a gem of a movie. Dare I say one of the greatest movies of all time (GMOT). This was on repeat in my household during my adolescence, and last night I decided to give it another watch for the 137th time. Anne Hathaway is one of the most beautiful women to ever grace this Earth. Perfect lips, boobs, doe eyes, 40-inch brown hair. Like what else huh, probably a bubble gum pink pussy all neatly tucked away like fuck you. Love her. As hot as it would be to see Prince Char and Ella’s sex tape (great couple’s costume, btw, somebody hop on that), the real action is between Slannen and his giant girlfriend. He’s so small, how could they even do it, like she probably uses his whole body like a dildo. Like need my own little elf boyfriend to carry around and make all flustered with my towering existence. Anyways, sorry, let me tuck the horn dog away. What a PHENOMENAL fucking plot. I mean romance, friendship, grief, vengeance, betrayal, courage, etc EVERY element necessary to lure you in, and nothing is done lightly!!!! Bring back actors that COMMIT!!!! Bring back having FUN!!!! Like holy fucking shit when did movies become minimum 2 ½ hours long and require Oscar-worthy dialogue for it to be deemed as worthwhile?? I want silliness and heart in a film. And, you know what, who’s to say this movie didn’t have Oscar-worthy moments?? Like the scene where Ella tells her best friend she can’t be friends with her anymore?? Gutted. When Prince Char mistook Ella trying to kill him as something genuinely coming from her instead of her curse?? Oh, I’m gutted. Ella and Prince Char’s first kiss by the fireplace after they trauma bond over their dead parents, and he whispers, “kiss me” ?? Oh, I’m vulnerable AND aroused. Anything involving King Edgar?? Blood boiling. The happily ever after wedding + breakout into song and dance?? Pure JOY!!! This is the kind of movie you can watch with anyone and everyone, or no one, and be just as entertained. Overall, courage is beautiful, love is everywhere, silly movies will never die, and don’t go breaking my hearttttt (I couldn’t if I triedddd).
